It doesn't matter. Friends are still friends. Even enemies. I don't like to regard anyone as my 'enemy'. I may dislike someone, but that doesn't mean that I won't talk to you or that you're my enemy.
An enemy of a friend might not necessarily turn out to be someone who I will dislike, and I will damn right make sure that they know this beforehand, so if they ever want to confide in me anything about their "enemy", they know that I might not share the same views as them.
"And that's the reason why I don't want to know anything that happened."
View in front of campsite - more on that later ;)
Yeah, so before I do my little post on my holiday (*coughs* too many pictures to put up, can't be bothered uploading them *coughs*), I want to tell you about the changes that has been happening in my life right now. I know it's boring, but you're welcome to press that little 'X' at the top of the screen if you want to. (I won't mind...but I'll be pretty sad and disappointed xD)
1. SCHOOL.
I'm a senior!
I was absent for 2 school days since I went on holiday, so I had missed the very first day of my 5th year (secondary 5). As soon as I was given my new timetable, oh-my-gosh I hated it! It was good that I was in all of the Higher classes that I wanted, but I wish I had gotten better teachers. I don't hate them, I just prefer other teachers. And most of the classes I was put into was full, and there were more 6th year pupils than 5th years. But I guess that's what happens when you start your senior year at school, stricter (that used to be fun) teachers , more homework, and more nagging.
#1 - I don't suck up to teachers. Seriously, I don't. I don't even talk to my teacher lol. All I do in class is read my book (or stare into space lol) and answer questions when it's directed to me. But other than that, I do absolutely nothing.
I'll be getting my exam results on the 7th of August, please pray for my success!
Oh and I was accepted as a senior prefect at my school, wohoo! New uniforms next year, blazers and a special prefect gold tie for me :)
But school's finished right now, summer is here!
2 - SUMMER!
SUN! SEA! SAND! - not.
Yeah, summer is here! No more school, homeworks, nagging teachers....until August. But it really doesn't feel like summer at all. But seriously, when has Glasgow ever felt like summer during summer? Not during the last 6 years that I've been here, nope. It's raining outside, even at this precise moment. Yeah, rain. It feels more like the Christmas holidays rather than summer holidays. I'm sitting here writing this while wearing a woolly jumper. Yes a woolly jumper. In summer. This is going to be one great sunshiny summer! not.
I'll probably end up sitting at home, or go and get a job doing something. Urgh. Fun.
//Being perfect isn't everything.//
I'm not looking for perfection...I don't want you to be perfect. You...with your flaws and weaknesses, you're perfect enough to me. I don't expect you to be happy all the time, to not cry, to be able to carry the weight of the world. Cause then...you won't need me. I'm here to take care of you, pick you up when you fall, wipe your tears, make you happy. I chose to love you and your problems, I chose to love your personality, not looks. I chose to put up with you for as long as I live, and I did all this not because I was forced, but I chose it. I'm the one that wants it. So don't be perfect, be you, be the person I love.
I'm not looking for perfection...I don't want you to be perfect. You...with your flaws and weaknesses, you're perfect enough to me. I don't expect you to be happy all the time, to not cry, to be able to carry the weight of the world. Cause then...you won't need me. I'm here to take care of you, pick you up when you fall, wipe your tears, make you happy. I chose to love you and your problems, I chose to love your personality, not looks. I chose to put up with you for as long as I live, and I did all this not because I was forced, but I chose it. I'm the one that wants it. So don't be perfect, be you, be the person I love.
taken from my phone - camera all taken apart inside the bag lawls.
Just getting ready to go now. Everyone is packed (well , nearly) and were just spending our time saying goodbye to our precious computers lol. No computers for 15 days. No wi-fi for 15 days. I will greatly miss you my precious. Haha. Gosh, I can't live without computers and mobile phones.
The departure time is 4:00pm, but since we live quite far away from the airport, we'll have to get out of the house at around 12:30pm. And my throat still hurts. Urr...go away stupid fever. We have to take bags within the restrictions, but then they're really small now. No extra bags or we'll get charged extra - sucks. I can't fit all my clothes in, and all the other stuff in...like cameras, and other things like that. I hope it still fits in the stupid measuring thing that they're going to use later. Grr, I'm going to end up wearing all of my clothes over and over again a few times - stinky me.
Oh well, till the next time folks. (after 15 days hehe)
Little treat after exam - cause we're cool like that ;)
YASSSSS! I've never been more happier walking back home from school. Exams finished, no more studying, no more pressure for a little while. As soon as I walked out of that exam hall, a big huge grin appeared on my face. And the best thing is, I still have extra exam leaves for those who haven't finished theirs yet, and I get to spend them all doing whatever I want!
We (my 3 friends and me) - decided to have a mini post-exam lunch at Chilli Cottage. Well originally I wanted to just go home, sit in the sunny summer sun, but oh well, I won't be seeing them all for a while after this so some extra time with your friends won't hurt. Anyways, the weather changed completely - like from cold-rainy-wintry-summer days to summery-sunny-warm-oh-my-too-hot paradise. Our school uniforms made us feel worse, we have to wear black trousers (jeans for me) , black shirts, black jumpers/cardigans, even black shoes -.- too warm too warm. Yeah so we all looked like a group of roasting ducks crawling on the streets lawl. But as soon as we arrived at the shop, everyone started ordering drinks, and each of us bought a chicken burger meal too.
So apparently, the weather over here is like 25 degrees celcius, which is unbelievably warm for somewhere that is constantly cold and rainy. My fever is still there as predicted, and I think it seems to be getting worse each day. Like whenever I cough, it sounds horrible and I have this shooting pain in my chest. My voice transformed too lol - from loud and squeaky to barely-there squeaking ._____. Like every just decided to make fun of me cause I can't talk or laugh properly without sounding silly.
Till my next post, bye!
oh yays! first time cooking and eating a tuna steak :)
I've been feeling ill lately....like really really ill (headaches, stomach aches, body aches...you name it, I have it) even though I've been staying at home for the past month. I hate it. Like seriously, just when it gets sunny and lovely...BAM! Illness strikes. I think my hay fever might be acting up again. With me, there can never ever ever be a month when I'm illness free. Winter - too cold, fever. Spring and Summer - hay fever / too warm , headaches, fever again. And once it happens, it doesn't go away for a few weeks. Urgh.
Something else that has been bugging me for a while now - Exams. Why oh why...gosh I hate exams. The only thing I love about it - exam leaves. Yeah, so at least I get days when I'm not in school but still supposed to be "studying" , yes "studying" - not dying from stupid fevers. But at least when all the exams are over I'll get my well earned holiday *big grin* mwehehe.
Yes holiday! Holiday holiday beautiful lovely sunshiny holidays! I'll be going somewhere extra special (will do a post on it when I get back) and starting my holiday earlier than everyone else wohoo! I'll be back on the 10th of June, hopefully feeling well by then and back to school for the next 15 days. I'll be starting my secondary 5 by then , I'm a senior now lawlawlawl -___- (I'm old) Then summer holidays starting on the 25th of June till August!
The one place which I wanted to visit for summer was Malaysia. It's been more than 5 years now, and I really really miss it. Waaa. One of my friends from school is going back to Malaysia, but he's booked the ticket from January, meaning he doesn't have to pay as much. Sighs. I was looking forward to going back, but I'll probably be disappointed again. It's too expensive ASDFGHJKL.
Yeah so I need to study for my Biology exam, which is in a day (WHAAT?!) .... urgh. Studying studying. I'm so lazy. Bye guys.
One Day , Three Autumns
Hey guys... gosh it's exam time for me right now. And for a lot of other people too seeing as all the statuses on facebook seems to be about exams right now. But it's important to take short breaks between studying right? So yeah, I was trolling through youtube and I remembered my sister telling me to watch this video for Mother's Day.
// it's in Malay by the way ~
I cried at the start....then ended with me laughing by myself HAHA.
(mum thinks I'm crazy o_o)
// it's in Malay by the way ~
(mum thinks I'm crazy o_o)
I used to chase after the feeling of being loved. But not any more. I will wait patiently, have faith and believe that I will find the perfect person for me. Because if you chase after it, you'll end up making mistakes, and hurting others. Wait, and you'll save yourself from a lot of heartaches and pain. And when you find love, make it beautiful. Save your love. Save it for someone that you know you'll spend your lifetime with, someone worthy to be your other half.
Marriages. Something that some people may not look forward to, and what some people just can't wait to get to. The legal union of a man and woman as husband and wife.
"True Meaning of Marriage"
"The true meaning of marriage is love. By love, I mean not just what we feel but what we do. Love just as a feeling is very flimsy, an up and down roller coaster. Love is an action! In order for it to become the ultimate force and for us to rediscover the true meaning of marriage, love has to be unconditional. You are not looking for acceptance or validation. You are giving of yourself to another not because of them, but because of your values. A death to ones self so that another may live and benefit from your sacrifice.
This is not an easy road to walk. But it is the most rewarding road however. An old Buddhist saying goes like this, 'I want peace.' If you take your ego (I) and your desires (want) out of the equation, i.e., the self, you will have only peace left. The true meaning of marriage is expressing love unconditionally to another. It is an unstoppable force that can endure anything. How do you find it? Within yourself. You have to draw strength from you. Neither seeking validation nor acceptance, just seeking the opportunity to show love."
I was just browsing through people's blogs and I came across Dena Bahrin's blog. It's filled with the stories of her path through life, but my favourite story would be about her marriage. Her beautiful marriage. Akak, I wish you all the best for your life, and your husband's. I wish you happiness and may your relationship last till Jannah.
Well....what are you waiting for? Read her story!
http://denakamarulbahrin.blogspot.co.uk/2012_05_01_archive.html
What inspired me about them is that I had the same feelings about 'love after marriage' as her. And as this experience changed her views on love after marriage, she changed my feelings about it too; as before, I would never think twice about love after marriage, but now, I find it to be beautiful. Of course, it won't be the same for everyone, but it proved to be beautiful for this very lucky girl. And I hope that when the time comes for me, I hope that it will be just as beautiful.
"Someone who really loves you will show you they want you, will prove that they need you, will remind you they love you. Will put you in the list, " To be in heaven,together,forever." -dena bahrin
Before, I felt the need to please everyone, at all times. It's good to make people happy, to bring joy to people's lives, but what's not right is becoming obsessed with it and forgetting about your own feelings. I guess that was me, but not any more. I've always felt like I needed to be somebody, to be known to others, be popular, but no, not any more. Everyone is different and unique. Everybody is beautiful in their own way. And I just want to be myself, I'm proud to be me. Me, the one filled with imperfections, flaws, and mistakes. I'm grateful for what I have. I don't need to be perfect. I'm proud to be me.
When I was small, I had lots of hopes and dreams, and as I grew older and older, one by one flew away. But that's okay, there will be a time where I'd get it all back, those lost hopes and dreams, and maybe even some new ones. It takes time to pick yourself up after falling, but you'll get there one day, you just have to be patient and believe in yourself. It's the same as having your heart broken, you'll pick up the pieces and let it heal through time, and one day, you'll feel happy again.
I'm a completely different person on the internet and in reality. I guess, I find it much easier to express my feelings into a computer screen, as the person/people that I talk to can't see my facial expression and I won't see theirs. I build myself up into what I feel is 'perfect' , and likeable. I build a wall to block out my imperfections. But sometimes, that's not the case. With people whom I am close to, and who knows me inside out, they'll know that they're talking to the real me. The me who they know is not perfect. A lot of people would say that I'm talkative, and I like to crack a few jokes here and there, but that's not really the case. I know I'm really really chatty on the internet, but when it comes to socialising outside my heated computer space, I'm just a shy , confidence-lacking, immature girl who is scared of being alone. Some people, who I've known for years, been with me through thick an thin, they'll know how noisy I can be. And annoying. Hehe. Well I guess it just depends on who I'm talking to really.
You see...I really don't have a clue why I'm posting this, nor have any idea why I actually wrote any of this. I guess it's just me ranting on again. Yeah, you'll see me rant a lot, and I mean it, A LOT. Anyway, I'm trying my hardest to make my everyday filled with happiness, and to bring joy upon others too. I want to get rid of any hatred I have left inside of me, no matter what they did or said to me, I should forgive them. But that's another story :) I want to make my life beautiful, and to take my time to enjoy living my life to its fullest. I want to not only focus on my future, but not to forget about the me today. Because the me today is what is going to make the me tomorrow. I'm not expecting anyone to understand what you've just read, or to even waste their time reading this, but if you did, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Some people may think it's great, or it's just made up of stupid lies, but no matter what you think, thank you. Cause you took 5 minutes of your life just to read this when it could be spent on doing something else :)
When I was small, I had lots of hopes and dreams, and as I grew older and older, one by one flew away. But that's okay, there will be a time where I'd get it all back, those lost hopes and dreams, and maybe even some new ones. It takes time to pick yourself up after falling, but you'll get there one day, you just have to be patient and believe in yourself. It's the same as having your heart broken, you'll pick up the pieces and let it heal through time, and one day, you'll feel happy again.
I'm a completely different person on the internet and in reality. I guess, I find it much easier to express my feelings into a computer screen, as the person/people that I talk to can't see my facial expression and I won't see theirs. I build myself up into what I feel is 'perfect' , and likeable. I build a wall to block out my imperfections. But sometimes, that's not the case. With people whom I am close to, and who knows me inside out, they'll know that they're talking to the real me. The me who they know is not perfect. A lot of people would say that I'm talkative, and I like to crack a few jokes here and there, but that's not really the case. I know I'm really really chatty on the internet, but when it comes to socialising outside my heated computer space, I'm just a shy , confidence-lacking, immature girl who is scared of being alone. Some people, who I've known for years, been with me through thick an thin, they'll know how noisy I can be. And annoying. Hehe. Well I guess it just depends on who I'm talking to really.
You see...I really don't have a clue why I'm posting this, nor have any idea why I actually wrote any of this. I guess it's just me ranting on again. Yeah, you'll see me rant a lot, and I mean it, A LOT. Anyway, I'm trying my hardest to make my everyday filled with happiness, and to bring joy upon others too. I want to get rid of any hatred I have left inside of me, no matter what they did or said to me, I should forgive them. But that's another story :) I want to make my life beautiful, and to take my time to enjoy living my life to its fullest. I want to not only focus on my future, but not to forget about the me today. Because the me today is what is going to make the me tomorrow. I'm not expecting anyone to understand what you've just read, or to even waste their time reading this, but if you did, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Some people may think it's great, or it's just made up of stupid lies, but no matter what you think, thank you. Cause you took 5 minutes of your life just to read this when it could be spent on doing something else :)
Hey guys. So yeah, another new blog, with no previous posts. Well, I had a new blog, made in May, but I guess some little things happened which made me want to make a new one. And I kept this one simple, like really simple. Usually, numerous of my previous blogs would be super duper ultra colourful and have like little cartoon graphics in little places, but nope, not this time. I'm keeping this one simple, and tidy, just white all around (not that I'm being racist or anything, but white makes me feel calm).
I've decided to let everything go, my hatred, my sadness....well anything really, so I can be happy. You see, I've realised that happiness is not a destination, and if you want to be happy, then you'll have to make yourself feel happy. I mean, I can't say that 'oh, I hope that I'll be happy in a few years time'. No, I can't, since I have the right to be happy right now if I want to, Even at this precise moment in time. Who knows whether I'd be happy or not in a few years? Exactly, no one. From now on, I'll just try my best to make everyday happy, to bring happiness to others and not to forget to be happy myself.
Here's to a new start filled with happiness and laughter.
I've decided to let everything go, my hatred, my sadness....well anything really, so I can be happy. You see, I've realised that happiness is not a destination, and if you want to be happy, then you'll have to make yourself feel happy. I mean, I can't say that 'oh, I hope that I'll be happy in a few years time'. No, I can't, since I have the right to be happy right now if I want to, Even at this precise moment in time. Who knows whether I'd be happy or not in a few years? Exactly, no one. From now on, I'll just try my best to make everyday happy, to bring happiness to others and not to forget to be happy myself.
Here's to a new start filled with happiness and laughter.
I don't want to hurt you any more. I realise that it feels like I'm forcing you to come back to me...but love can't be forced. If you don't love a person any more, then you can't spend your lifetime with them. I want you to take me back because you want to, you sincerely want me, because you need me, because you love me, and you're willing to try again. I don't want you to take me back because you don't want to break my heart...or because you felt sorry for me...cause that would break my heart even more.
//I'm sorry sayang.//
//I'm sorry sayang.//
Someone told me today that the best way to make myself happy was to hurt the other person. I could never think of hurting you, ever, it's like hurting myself all over again. I want to see you happy, with or without me, and I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing that I hurt you.
You,
Just talking to you can turn my day around. It's like a rollercoaster, but emotional and enjoyable. When you put your arms around me, and give me a squeeze, all of my worries and fears comes shooting out of my mind. I can feel no hatred, no sadness, I could be me again.
It's funny that no matter how much it hurts when we get into an argument, I'll always find that the heartache could never compare with the feeling of happiness I receive from you...and that it's worth it.
When you look at me in the eyes, and tell me that you love me, my heart beats like a drum, it's like the whole world stopped, just for you and me.
I catch a glimpse of heaven, I find my paradise... Me and you, I'll make sure that we will be together because I want that more than anything else.
Nothing about us makes sense, we're thousands of miles apart, no common interests, different personalities, but I don't care, I still want you.
I love the fact that even though most of the time we only speak to each other through words, I love that it doesn't just feel like words to me, it feels so real. Every single word you type means a lot to me. I think i'm falling in love with the way you hold me so close; and laugh and smile when you look at those silly pictures of me. I'm not perfect, I love how you made me feel so special even when I know I'm not... and how you aren't afraid to tell me your feelings.
I took a chance and followed my heart. It might not have been the smartest decision I've ever made but I don't regret a thing. Do you know why? Because I've got you. You're mine.
Your smile, your arms, your sexy back hehehe...everything about you is perfect to me, I get weak just watching you. Your beautiful eyes have turned me permanantly paralysed. You sent my heart under attack. You gave me electrical surges running down my back. I love you just the way you are, everything about you, even your weaknesses and your flaws...
I love you sayang.
"I guess that is the secret of love, when a phone call can bring you the most wonderful pleasure, when a short visit can brighten up your day, that’s the beauty of love, the simplicity in it, you can tell if a person is madly in love immediately by the smile they drew in their faces trying to hide what it really means, or the look that shines in their eyes trying not to tell.
The true happiness resides in one moment of love, changes us into better persons, fills up our hearts with an overwhelming feeling that no one could have described before, and I once asked you here: “what is better to fall in love and get hurt or not to fall in love at all?” and everyone said that it’s better to fall in love and get hurt, because it is something you don’t want to miss in your life, with it’s pleasure and it’s pain, love is what makes life taste so damn good, the delicate touch of hands, the first words, a gentle kiss, and sometimes it’s just a look in the eyes that will make you up all night living a dream, so I guess no one can tell what is the secret of love until he finds himself falling madly in it."
-Echos19
yes, I agree.
To the end of the sky where the sunset spreads
To the end of the world where love is fast asleep
I will fly high with you and touch the wind
Now, it’s enough with only you.
{d.r}
To the end of the world where love is fast asleep
I will fly high with you and touch the wind
Now, it’s enough with only you.
{d.r}
I have always hated it when someone asks me about my dreams for the future. I understand why you would want to know, but it's the topic which I have avoided for years.
You deserve to know though... after all, you can't make someone your future if you don't know what the other person is wanting for their future too.
Want to know something? The reason for all of the I don't knows?
I gave up. I give up too easily. I tell others, advices on not to give up, yet I do it myself.
When I can't do something, I give up. I try, but then I stop. I'm not intelligent like you, I'm not interesting, I don't want to master anything... I don't have any plans for my future. All I have in my mind is to get a decent job, and that's it.
I've always dreamt of studying overseas, have lots of friends, but the thing is, I don't know what I want to do. WhenI have something in my mind, dad always says that I'm not good enough. So I give up.
Hurm.
You deserve to know though... after all, you can't make someone your future if you don't know what the other person is wanting for their future too.
Want to know something? The reason for all of the I don't knows?
I gave up. I give up too easily. I tell others, advices on not to give up, yet I do it myself.
When I can't do something, I give up. I try, but then I stop. I'm not intelligent like you, I'm not interesting, I don't want to master anything... I don't have any plans for my future. All I have in my mind is to get a decent job, and that's it.
I've always dreamt of studying overseas, have lots of friends, but the thing is, I don't know what I want to do. WhenI have something in my mind, dad always says that I'm not good enough. So I give up.
Hurm.
